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FTP

Blogger isn't going to support FTP posting anymore, which means this page will have to change very soon.

Ugh.

Apparently I deleted the index page of my blog, which of course deleted my entire website (sort of) so if you visited BainBooks.com you got nada. Which is kind of apropos, but not really cool. So. Hello world. Maybe we'll switch to Tumblr soon, no?

Labels: nothing

A Thing about Love

Think about an old shoe that doesn’t fit you anymore. Or a boot that also doesn’t fit, but a boot that you once loved. Or think about something that you wear on your foot that is not a boot or a shoe. Think about a ring you wear on your pinkie toe that doesn’t hurt when you wear it, but you can feel it there anyway, and it reminds you of someone—maybe the person who gave it to you, or the person you were with when you bought it.

Think about how much you love the people behind you, the people in front. Think about them exchanging places, and what does that mean? There are also people to either side, and all around you. What about them? What if they stopped moving, just for a moment?

Think about how much attention you pay to listening. It doesn’t matter what you are listening to, or how much sense it is supposed to make. How much attention do you pay? Do you always know what that the sounds mean, what the words put together in a certain order do to your heart?

How much do you want to be loved? Imagine yourself loved, even if you have no evidence of being loved. The people all around you stop, for just a moment, and one of them loves you.

Imagine what peace it might bring to just let yourself be the human you are. You are human. Love is a defect of humanity. So you love. Love is something missing from us, so we create it, push it upward and outward and over the wall and hope it fills up the empty spaces on the other side of the wall and somehow spills back over to us.

Now imagine me beside you. All my defects and all of yours. Imagine me. Beside you or in front of you or behind you. Pushing upward and outward and over. Putting words together into a certain order that are supposed to mean that I love you.

There I am.

Labels: love

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